Why Not Zed?

Blissfully Enraged

2008-05-21T16:51:00.002-04:00

I'm often asked "are you angry? You seem angry." It's a difficult question to field, actually because simple put the truth is "yes." Sure, it's honest; anger is just my status quo, my standard state. It's just a vague and relatively boring answer.

And it tends to scare people.

I don't understand why it scares people, I guess they just assume that I should be on cloud nine 24/7/52 hike. I don't see why I shouldn't be either, it's just that there's too much out here in the real world that's wrong. The notion that people should constantly be on cloud nine, for instance.

What's the result of that? Apathy. Ignorance, after all, is bliss. If you don't care about the political climate of Myanmar (let alone your own continent or school district) then how could you hold an opinion and how can you get angry about it and how can you feel your passion roil and boil while you feel another's toil on their own soil (give me that one, I was on a roll).

It's my anger that fuels me, my bone chilling rage that keeps me from ripping my own head off. If I weren't outraged I'd be mad. I feel good this way, I feel useful. When you're so angry nothing matters, you be brave 'cause anything counts.

Anger is bliss.

The Multiple Kinds of Desert

2008-04-28T16:36:00.003-04:00

To my absolutely contented pleasure, I'm in a long distance relationship. This isn't a bad thing, I'm very much in love with this girl (woman, now, I guess. I've always been about as hesitant to admit adulthood as I am to write a decently lengthy parenthetical that might sidetrack the reader and cause them to start the whole sentence from the beginning, leading to frustration because, for the life of them, they skip ahead again because they can't find the close parenthesis, dear GOD where is the close parenthesis? and I love that she's been such a permanent fixture in my life for so long. There really are only a few downsides, but they tend to be nested as well as a Russian doll. The biggest being that I don't see her or hang out with her much anymore, which is not fun at all. The most minute at the very core would be that I can't tie her up and whip her into a kinky submission. Somewhere in the middle there is something about regular intercourse.

I now understand why they call it a "dry spell." It really is like being in the midst of Death Valley, no water in sight. You're clawing your way to your goal, hands dry as bone and your body starved for the vital life giving satisfaction it so dearly needs. All you can do is wrench your body further and further until you can drag yourself to the next oasis. Then...well, then it gets to be fun. At least the sores get some soothing cool caresses.

But it's nothing compared to what I used to endure. Oh, the life of a teen virgin is nothing like being in Death Valley. No, the regular masturbation coupled with the sheer loneliness and almost hopeless desire to meet someone, to be with someone, to have and to hold (especially to hold and particularly to hold the jiggly parts. At least the ones that are supposed to be) and to finally have someone to talk to because, dammit, nobody understands me and my parents are such tools. No, that's a tundra. That's crossing the whole of Antarctica on foot. Sure, you can eat a penguin every so often but that doesn't change the crippling dehydration and cold that chills straight to the bones. Sure, you can eat some snow but that only makes your body temperature plummet, sinking closer to the minimum it takes to survive. C'mon, priests have been doing this for 1500 years, you should be able to handle it. I mean, c'mon. C'mon! You have a full head of hair!

At least life is better. At least I have oases. But, damn, do I have a lot of problems.

Sierra Madre

2008-04-28T15:44:00.003-04:00

Normally, seeing is believing. Faith should rely on evidence. I have to see a police officer's badge before I let him into my home. In the same way, I have to see the validity of a claim such as god before I let it into my life.

The number one simplest way to do this is to meet the following requirements.

The first category deals with things that would absolutely convince me of the truth of a particular religion. If shown any of these, I would convert on the spot.

Verified, specific prophecies that couldn't have been contrived.
If the Bible, for example, said, "On the first day of the first month in the year two thousand and ten, the pillars of the earth will shake and a great part of the New World will be lost to the sea," and then January 1, 2010 comes and a tremendous earthquake sends California to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, I would become a believer. No points are awarded under any of the following conditions:
- If the prophecy is vague, unclear or garbled (like Nostradamus' ramblings, for example). It must be detailed, specific and unambiguous in its prediction and wording.
- If the prophecy is trivial. Anyone could predict that it will be cold next winter, or that this drought/plague/flood will eventually subside. The prophecy must predict something surprising, unlikely or unique.
- If the prophecy is obviously contrived for other reasons. No official seer or court astrologer ever predicted that the king he worked for would be a brutal, evil tyrant who would ruin the country.
- If the prophecy is self-fulfilling; i.e., if the mere fact of the prophecy's existence could cause people to make it come true. The Jewish people returned to their homeland in Israel just as the Bible said they would, but this isn't a genuine prediction - they did it because the Bible said they would. The predicted event can't be one that people could stage.
- If the prophecy predicts an event that already happened and the writing of the prophecy itself can't be shown to have preceded the event.
- If the prophecy predicts an event that already happened and the happening of that event can't be verified by independent evidence. For example, Christian apologists claim that Jesus fulfilled many Old Testament prophecies, but the authors of the New Testament obviously had access to those prophecies also; what would have prevented them from writing their story to conform to them? The extra-biblical evidence for the existence of Jesus is so scanty that it is impossible to disprove such a proposal.
- And finally, if the prophecy is the lone success among a thousand failures. Anyone can throw prophecies against the wall until one sticks. The book or other source from which it comes must have at least a decently good record on other predictions.
These conditions, I think, are eminently reasonable, and are only what would be expected of a true prophet with a genuine gift.
Scientific knowledge in holy books that wasn't available at the time.
If the Bible (or any other religious text) contained some piece of knowledge that the people of the time couldn't possibly have known but that is now known to be true, that would be highly convincing to me. A passage about the atomic theory of matter or the heliocentric solar system would be interesting, but not conclusive, since the Greeks, for example, proposed those ideas long ago independent of any claim to divine revelation. A mention of the theory of evolution would have been impressive. A reference to the germ theory of disease, or the laws of electromagnetics, would have been compelling. But what would be indisputable proof would be an elucidation of a truly modern theory of physics, such as relativity or quantum mechanics - not just something that the people of the time couldn't possibly have known of, but something so counter-intuitive that the odds against guessing at it correctly would be staggering. Just think: What if Jesus had said something like this?
"Verily, verily, I say unto thee that thine energy is as thine mass times the speed of light multiplied unto itself."
Of course people of the time would have been baffled, but just imagine how many souls it would have saved today. As with the prophecy item, there must be independent verification that the piece of knowledge was written in texts that existed well before it was actually discovered by science.
Miraculous occurrences, especially if brought about through prayer.
If cities condemned as sinful by preachers tended to explode in flames for no apparent reason, if glowing auras of holy light sometimes appeared around believers to protect them from harm, or if atheists and only atheists were regularly struck by lightning, this would be compelling proof. But it wouldn't have to be so dramatic; even minor but objectively verifiable miracles would do, especially if they could be invoked by prayer. If a hospital did a double-blind study to determine if intercessory prayer helps the sick, and it was discovered that only the patients prayed for by members of a certain religion experienced a dramatic, statistically significant increase in recovery rate, and this result could be repeated and confirmed, I would convert. This one shouldn't be so hard, especially for the Christians - after all, Jesus told them that they would be able to work miracles through prayer!
Any direct manifestation of the divine.
I'm not that hard to convert; I'll be happy to believe in God if he tells me to in person, as long as he does it in such a way that I could be sure that it was not a hallucination (for example, in the presence of multiple reliable witnesses, none of which are in a highly emotional or otherwise altered state). Where are the voices speaking out of burning bushes, or out of thin air when people get baptized? In Old Testament times, Moses saw God so often that he knew him on a first-name basis. Why doesn't this happen any more today?
Aliens who believed in the exact same religion.
And one more, though this one is just a bit off the wall. If humanity was to contact an extraterrestrial civilization, and if said extraterrestrials had a religion that was exactly like some religion on Earth, I would become a believer. (Though it would raise some interesting theological problems for Christians. Does Jesus have to travel to every planet in the universe individually, dying and being resurrected on each one?)

The second category deals with things that would not be conclusive, but that would count as circumstantial evidence. Show me one of these and I might not convert right away, but your religion will look a lot better to me.

A genuinely flawless and consistent holy book.
True inerrancy is, so to speak, the holy grail of theism. Almost every religion claims their scripture is perfect, but none that I know of have actually met this exacting standard; I have yet to read a holy text entirely without error or self-contradiction. A book that was free of such problems would be circumstantial evidence in favor of the religion that possessed it, but not compelling, since this is still explicable as the result of purely human forces.
A religion without internal disputes or factions.
It seems reasonable to expect that, if there existed a god that was interested in revealing itself to humanity and desired that we follow its commands, that god would write down whatever instructions it had to give us in a way that was only amenable to one interpretation. Thus, if a religion was true, we might expect that no factions or sects would form within it and all members of that religion would speak with one voice regarding ethical and theological issues. Why the alternative scenario should ever hold for an inspired religion is not clear. Did God intend to communicate his message clearly but failed to do so? However, since this could still be the result of human influence, it would only be circumstantial, not conclusive, evidence in favor of a given religion's truth.
A religion whose followers have never committed or taken part in atrocities.
If a given religion's sacred text consistently promotes peace, compassion and nonviolence, and if that religion's history reflects that fact, that religion would look much more attractive to me. Historically, almost every religion that has ever had the power to do so has persecuted those who believed differently, and I do not think it likely that a morally good deity would allow his chosen faith's good name to be smeared by evil and fallible humans.
A religion that had a consistent record of winning its jihads and holy wars.
Strangely, none do. One can only wonder why.

The final category deals with things that would not convince me; none of the following would persuade me to rethink my position. To date, all the evidence I have ever seen presented for any religion falls into this category.

Speaking in tongues or other pseudo-miracles.
To convince me, a miracle would have to be genuine, verifiable, and represent a real and inexplicable divergence from the ordinary. Anything that can be explained by peer pressure, the power of suggestion or the placebo effect does not count. Favorable coincidences or kind or courageous acts performed by human beings also do not meet this standard. Seeing the Virgin Mary in a water stain or Mother Teresa in a piece of pastry is not impressive. Nor is glossolalia, not even if it really sounds like a language. And faith healing, or people being "slain in the Spirit" and toppling over, owes more to showmanship and the placebo effect used on eager-to-please individuals that have been worked up into highly excitable, suggestible states. (Now, if faith healers could restore severed limbs...)
People's conversion stories.
I'm not interested in the testimonials of people who converted to a religion, not even if they used to be atheists. Everyone has moments of weakness in which emotion overrides logic. Instead of telling me how fast a religion is growing, how much of a difference it's made in people's lives, or how devoted its converts are, let those converts explain what logic and evidence persuaded them to join in the first place. If they can't do this, their stories will not affect me. After all, for obvious reasons, atheists are almost never the sort of people who go along with the crowd.
Any subjective experience.
Saying "I know God exists because I can feel him in my heart" or something similar will not affect me. Most arguments of this sort rest on the assumption that a person cannot have a completely convincing subjective experience and be mistaken regarding its cause, but a look at the diversity of world religions easily disproves this. Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists - members of all faiths claim to have had convincing subjective experiences of the truth of that faith. Obviously, they cannot all be right. Why should an atheist accept any one of these testimonies as more valid than any other?
The Bible Code or similar numerological feats.
Using the same algorithms employed by the Bible Code numerologists, skeptics have been able to find assassinations and other historical events "predicted" in Moby Dick, War and Peace and other works of fiction that don't claim divine inspiration, so don't expect it to impress me.

There are a lot of theists out there who dare not show their badges. Mike is doing his best to find his. There are far too many, though, who tell me "we don't need no stinking badges."

Credit goes to ebonmusings.org for the list. I just didn't feel like typing it all out again.

Phantom Menace

2008-04-21T11:49:00.004-04:00

Mike's question for this week is basically "whence cometh evil" which, let's be serious, is a very difficult question to answer. But then he pairs. It up with an even tougher jab, "what is evil?" This question is a fantastic one for someone whose morality had to be reconstructed when he rejected the morals of his former religion. So I will start by answering "what is evil" as seriously as possible and "whence it cometh" will follow naturally.

Star Wars. Were the Sith evil? I would say no. The Sith were merely motivated. They did everything in their power to increase their personal triumphs. To them the Force was a tool, not the burden that Jedi saw it as. But the Jedi considered them evil. Why?

Let's move on to the Godwin example before it's pulled on me. Were Hitler and the Nazis evil? Not at all. They had the best interests of their country in mind. The Holocaust to them was a means to an end. Stalin, too, was not evil despite his murder of two dozen million people. This does not justify mass murder. In no way do I condone murdering someone to further your position in life. Killing is wrong but it is not evil.

Which is a difficult distinction to make for many. Evil and moral wrongdoing are in no way related. Why? Because evil
does not exist.

No, evil is nothing more than the misunderstanding of an alternative ideology. Many fundamentalists would call me evil for my atheism. I posit that they simply don't "get" my reasoning and therefore fear it. The same goes for the Jedi, they didn't want to lose their recruits to truism that they feared and didn't understand. Hitler is a more difficult answer because he actively was doing his deeds for power. But that doesn't make him evil, just in the wrong. Evil is, more than anything, a label used to instill fear and hatred in the hearts and minds of those who share that belief.

Whence cometh evil? Ignorance. How do we extinguish it? Education.

Phi

2008-04-14T16:20:00.002-04:00

1.68

It's called the perfect ratio. If you measure each part of your body (finger tip to first knuckle, first knuckle to second) and divide the long by the short you should get closer and closer to this number, called phi. If you look at architecture and mathematics (the Fibonacci Sequence) phi keeps coming up. What comes up even more is phi's appearance in spirals, particularly natural ones like those in sunflowers.

Just an aside, I wanted my cryptic title and its reference to spirals to be clear.

My atheism started young. I got really interested in mythology and soon realized that these stories were revered and the characters worshiped. I realized that these characters were not gods but my God was real...but what made them different? Both were in books, old, old books. Both were worshiped for a long time. What made the difference? I pushed it out of my mind and just enjoyed the stories.

But the big thing was the poor logic behind the penal salvation. How could someone else's sacrifice save me from my sins? How does someone ELSE'S loss give me the right to live freely despite my wrongdoings? Shouldn't I be the one who is accountable?

From there I put aside Greek mythology and picked up Judeo-Christian mythology. There were so many inconsistencies in God's holy word and historical problems. Why didn't people realize that the Romans reinforced Jerusalem during the times of celebration like Passover? Why were Jesus' ancestries different lengths and consisted of different people. I couldn't understand.

So I turned to science to help. I learned economics first. It specifically says to put ourselves before others. It made sense why. It made sense how it would work for everybody. So why did that contradict God, the omniscient? I then learned physics and how omnipotence isn't possible. Philosophy taught how omnipotence and omniscience can't exist at the same time.

By the time I called myself an atheist I was a sophomore in High School. I had just joined the Youth Ministry Council. The entire time I was learning I had been flailing for scripture and counsel. I clung to the Bible as my spiral deepened. The Bible was the cement around my shoes. I tried to save myself. I cried every night and every day.

Actually, this brings me to a funny point. I consider the process of losing your faith similar to throwing up. You feel like crap all day and it keeps getting worse and worse steadily. After a while it's unbearable and you feel at your worst as you finally vomit. Immediately you feel amazing again and there's this huge mess in front of you that needs to be cleaned up before someone else slips in it.

When I lost God I lost about 30 lbs, depression medication, my black hole of confidence and a horrible spiral. I lost a feeling of regret that I didn't know my specific purpose. I lost my fear of death.

God's been better to me when he doesn't exist than he has in a long, long time.

Unfortunate Events

2008-04-08T15:58:00.002-04:00

There are times in my life that I truly wish I believed in God. What Mike asks is about one of those times. Luckily, there has never been a time I've had to kneel beside a dying child's bed and say anything. I've never been in that situation. That hypothetical is important to me, though. The following is a little something I've put together in case I'm ever in that situation.

"I love you and I always will."

I might go on from there about whoever else loves them and give them a hug if it's appropriate, hold their hand.

And I do love them. You should know why, you're the Christian out of us. I just take the Christ out of it.

All of Their Problems Start with Men...

2008-04-06T23:53:00.001-04:00

Men-struation
Men-opause
Men-ial labor

It's this kind of joke that I can't stand. I mean, look, they mispronounced "menial." How bad can it get?

Seriously, though, I do consider this to be a major problem in our culture and I actually do blame it on the feminist movement of the 1960's. What really gets my goat is that it is recognized that there are physical, mental and emotional differences between men and women. Men are proactive, women are reactive. For this reason, the standards of success have been lowered for women and now comedians like Molly Shannon and politicians like Hillary Clinton (look how strong she is).

Yes, men are now looked down upon in our culture. Boys are automatically the troublemakers in their classrooms, girls are venerated as being clean and kind and made of sugar and spice (which is totally untrue, according to Jonathan Swift. Both sexes taste the same otherwise he would have specified a difference in his recipes).

This is a problem. Because women think they are better than us (and are constantly reminded that is so in word and deed) they demand more. They ask for more rights. They ask for higher wages (they're equal to men if you analyze economicaly). Today's "strong woman" could potentially be the cause of the inflation boom since the 60's (besides the Fed's actions prior to Dr. V)

I honestly wish I could go into more detail but I'm about to explode as is. This is something that makes me even angrier than racism. Because that's almost what it is.

Just as the NAACP uses racism to defend racism, NOW uses sexism to defend sexism.

A Poem I Found

2008-03-26T21:36:00.002-04:00

It’s not easy being a humanist,
And you can’t add “Lord knows”.
It sure has it’s bumps and snarls.
Your church-going friends think
“You’re going to the devil”.
And worry that you don’t even
Believe in the devil.
It leaves them perplexed, angry and worse…
Makes them defend their own beliefs.
They suspect that you might be a communist,
Or a believer in international government.
You wonder why you follow this road
It’s easier to put your critical faculties to sleep,
Agree Biblical stories are true.
Do you really wish to call attention to yourself,
As an eccentric or heretic?
All you want is to be a reasonable person.
Why aren’t you taking sides,
Hating those other faiths,
Even willing to die for your team?
Religion is everywhere:
The courthouse, in government,
On the money in your wallet.
It seems by numbers that they must be right.
And you are out of step.
Yet there’s a feeling in your chest?
That tells you that you found the true path.

-Jay R. Strisik

The Quota

2008-03-23T23:01:00.002-04:00

In the field of economics, there is something we economists take very, very seriously. We call it "The Quota" and it's more or less an inside thing. We require a certain number of PRJ usages per day in order to maintain economist status. PRJ stands for "Pun Related Joke."

That being said, the rest of this post is going to be horrifically, mind numbingly and disgustingly boring.

There are two kinds of economic statements, positive and normative. Positive statements are typically straight facts (unemployment is at 4.5% on the national level). Normative statements are more ought to statements (the government ought to lower unemployment rates). Also, there is a difference between a recession and a depression. Recessions are peroids of slow GDP growth that last for relatively short periods of time. Depressions are either really long recessions or peroids where there is actually a negative net change in real GDP.

It's hard to tell you whether or not we're going into a recession without 1) massive amounts of data, 2) hours and hours of analysis or 3) making a normative statement. Since I don't have data or hours and hours of time, I'm going to just go for choice three and hope people forgive me.

We are probably headed into a minor recession. So far it has lasted about two quarters and is likely to last one or two more. That's it. That is, if Bernanke reacts the same was as Greenspan did. Personally, I would have preferred that Glenn Hubbard have been appointed Chairman of the Fed because he has a history of being anti-Keynesian in his behavior (supply-side policies have worked well in the past. Just look at what Volcker did in 1979-1989! It's astounding!).

Now, I would also like to point out that the majority of Americans do not understand macroeconomics. That's ok. Many macroeconomists don't either. Most microeconomists (which is what I consider myself) consider macroeconomics to be "voodoo science." But it is actually an economic concept that people misunderstand economics. Without the general publics' understanding, a lot of net profit can be made based the adjustment of nominal wages to fit the change in real wages as adjusted for inflation (making wages go up so that you still earn the same amount despite inflation). Yes, it's "exploiting the workers" but it also means the workers get to 1) keep their jobs and 2) more money is made which stimulates the economy.

There's a lot more detail involving the trade off between unemployment and inflation, the Phillips curve, the credibility of the Fed, how Bernanke is nothing compared to the God-like he-manliness that is Alan "Man with the Plan" Greenspan.

But that's insider stuff. You probably don't want to hear it. It comes with puns, you see...

Sagan Rituals

2008-03-20T21:30:00.002-04:00

In some respects, science has far surpassed religion in delivering awe. How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, "This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed"? Instead they say, "No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way." A religion, old or new, that stressed the magnificence of the Universe as revealed by modern science might be able to draw forth reserves of reverence and awe hardly tapped by the conventional faiths. -Carl Sagan in Pale Blue Dot

As a Christian I used to think very much like this. I did believe that universe was grandiose and almost impossible to comprehend, that it was nuanced and subtle and ancient and that there was quite a bit out there that we don't know. I believed that we could, though. I believed that there was a definite point at which humans would have all the knowledge in the universe and we'd fully have infinity in its whole.

And then I studied science. I learned that knowledge was uncountably infinite in its number of possibilities. I learned that proofs were only countably infinite. A small amount of dejection hit in.

I learned physics, how the stars and the moons and the planets all dance with each other, how the posters on my wall stay on due to a combination of gravity, friction and momentum. I learned that the faster I move the more massive I become (coincidentally, I got a lot lazier but only lost an infinitesimal amount of weight). My wonder grew. I dissected rainbows and orbits and atoms with my mind's eye, and my grin spread.

I learned economics. I wondered at the shifting curves, the fact that altruism is inefficient, the trade-offs between equity and efficiency. I learned the concrete models that were used, standard arguments for either side of the fence. I learned the statistics behind the science and the science behind the social life of the Romans. I stood in awe.

This was about where I lost God. He didn't make sense anymore. I had learned logical thought processes, I learned physical laws, I understood social science at its core...and God didn't fit in. So I cried. I cried for God's death and science, the cold vaccuum of space, the heated orbits of quarks, the riches of men pouring through the eyes of needles, comforted me.

And I didn't need God anymore. I didn't need a Bible to tell me how amazing the universe is. I knew. No, I was beginning to know.

And it was good.

Syntax is Never a Good Excuse

2008-03-16T02:47:00.002-04:00

Neither are Sin Taxes, but we'll get to those later.

Practically, I'd say the greatest reason for legalizing marijuana would be along the lines of causing Mike to lose his job. Well, not specifically Mike, he's a great guy and I'd hate to see him and his family tossed a hardball. I meant state and local police forces. Cutting down on police costs and prison room would slice a hefty $21 billion dollars off of Federal security budgets (which implies fewer and lesser taxes, which is amazing). What it would do on the state and local governments must be absolutely insane. Imagine the added cost of each person in jail not operating in society. How many jobs have been lost? In economics we call this the opportunity cost (the benefit forgone for another option. In this case, the benefit from jobs that could have been filled instead of keeping someone detained). The problem here is that many people who are guilty of other crimes are also guilty of posession. If they only have the charge of posession, that should be dropped. Otherwise, continue on. I'm not sure about everything legal, but I'm no lawyer.

Ideologically, I don't understand why it wouldn't be legal. I can (in the future) drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, own firearms, consume salvia, do any number of things. I can even drive, the most dangerous thing I could ever hope to do! Any sound minded adult can put whatever they want into their body, can do whatever they want with their body, and can be wherever they want in their body as long as it isn't harming someone else. And there has never been an ounce of conclusive medical research that proves that marijuana causes harm. You can't even OD on it. Water is more dangerous! And it's no worse on your lungs than smoking a cigarette.

And no, taxing it is moot. Economically speaking, taxes give the government revenue, but only at the expense of the citizens. It evens out. If you ask me, it's even more costly than moot, but I'm a very, very conservative economist.

Doo doo da doo doo (phenomena)

2008-03-10T07:28:00.002-04:00

Once again, this is my response to Mike's question of the week. Please look at his blog and wish him well!

His question this week regarded the nature of predictive phenomena and how evolution accounts for them.

Frankly, it doesn't. Evolution is simply the process of change not only within a species but from one species to another. The question here regards naturalism, the belief that everything in the universe has a wholly natural explanation, even phenomena (doo doo dee doo). This is a good stance to take because it encourages the observer to find other explanations that are plausible. Another option would be to say "the phenomenon occured becaused the phenonmenon occured" but tautology is looked down upon in most scientific fields.

The key here is to realize that the dream or thought coincided with the action, in essence creating a "coincidence." The fact that this predictions might come true is nothing more than forgetting the instances that the prediction is false (particularly if the prediction is rather bold, this happens a lot) and remembering the peculiar instances that this the prediction is true. What we have is a misunderstanding of the use of statistics.

A lot of studies reveal the truth about some of these false predictions that persist due in part to wishful thinking and faulty statistical logic. The first being the effectiveness of the 12 Step Program, which has the same statistical success as quitting cold turkey. Another would be most "alternative medicine" choices, which claim statistical significant results but to no avail (acupuncture, Human Energy Field manipulation, and chiropractics feed off of this). The big one that still doesn't get enough press is the effectiveness of prayer. In all double blind studies conducted, only a .01 percent (in decimal, that's .0001) discrepancy between those prayed for and those left to conventional medicine was left to justify the effectiveness of prayer. Granted, that's a generous study that included many, many man hours of intensive prayer. Man hours that, in my opinion, could have been used to study conventional medicine and develop new treatments (one last long aside: I am not angry with God, I am not angry at theists. I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated that so much of their time goes to praying and hoping and so little of it goes to doing. As the atheist adage goes, "Prayer: how to do absolutely nothing and still think you're helping.")

Speaking of frustration, please excuse me while I bang my head against my desk to get that bloody song out of my head.

Warmth

2008-03-03T02:36:00.002-05:00

I remember my wool jacket. I remember how my dad gave it to me on the first cold day of my freshman year in high school. I remember how he said it was too small for him anyway and it probably would be too small for me too. It was. I remember how my mom said I looked like a little sailor in it. I didn't. I remember losing it every winter for about a week and feeling completely and utterly naked. I remember finding it in my history teacher's classroom, whoever that was at the time. I remember wearing it to Argentina during that summer which was their winter. I remember meeting new friends in it, seeing new sights in it. Most of all I remember Silvia, Olivia's mother, my second mother, complimenting me on it. I remember I was wearing that jacket when I heard she had died. It was cancer. It was Christmas day. I remember losing it in the airport on the way back home from California.

I remember the coat I bought to replace it. It's behind me right now, protecting my back from the stabbing cold of the metal in my chair. I remember buying it for fifteen dollars from Target because it was defective. I remember taking it back home and sewing the buttons on right, mending the perfectly good pockets that were sewn shut. I remember being mocked for knowing how to mend clothes. I remember mending my tormenters slacks later that week. I remember reading Swallows and Amazons books with my dad. I remember one of the boys and his knickerbockerbreaker which caused his pants to need quite a bit of "darning."

I remember my parka. I remember my dad bought it for me after I got accepted to Ohio State. I remember eyeing the peacoats jealously as he picked it out for me. I remember how he said I needed something long to cover my butt so it wouldn't get wet when I sat down outside. I remember him saying that peacoats wouldn't keep me as warm. I remember wearing my parka all last week to keep from getting sicker. I remember thinking that he was right, peacoats don't keep me this warm.

I remember my windbreaker from when I was five. I remember that my parents keep it in the closet at home to remind me of how small I was. I remember how between the shoulders on the inside there was a stop sign. I remember asking my dad why. I remember him telling me it was to stop the cold wind. I remember him saying that the wind would have to stop, that it couldn't touch me. I remember hearing MC Hammer later in life. I remember my dad telling me to stop smiling and set the table.

I remember not having a jacket when I was backpacking in New Mexico. I remember thinking it was going to be warm and pleasant. I remember severely overestimating the weather of New Mexico's mountains. I remember shivering at night to myself. I remember how telling this to my dad earned me a wool jacket that winter.

I really, really miss that jacket.

Microbiosisologicalisms

2008-03-03T01:53:00.002-05:00

The question of the week for me, found on Mike's blog is regarding where viruses go when they're not ravaging us.

I'm gonna be honest and say I don't know, but I have full confidence that this comic strip has something to do with it.

Viruses are not alive by our rather arbitrary definition of life. They require another organism to reproduce, and thus, mutate and evolve. The influenza virus is famous for doing this incredibly fast, normally within a year's time. It becomes immune to our treatments about as fast as we become immune to whatever it just tried out. I think the time that it's not being a pain in the ass, it's evolving in the hosts that do contract it. When it finds itself a good strain that strain spreads like wildfire...and is rapidly extinguished. The cycle goes on.

But I'm no doctor. I'm an economist.

Doctor's make money. Economists don't. We just watch it.

The Nitrogen Cycle

2008-02-26T14:38:00.002-05:00

After a long life of racing, Yurtle collapses from exhaustion one day and is unfortunate enough to have paramedics arrive long after his death. That's the risk you take when you're a turtle. So Yurtle does the only thing he can do at this point: he simplifies himself.

Well, not exactly. Lots of bacteria and fungi from the environment help. Yurtle doesn't do much beyond just sit. The poor guy doesn't even get to see the show. It really is miraculous. Effectively, what's happening is that the nitrogen in his body is being absorbed into the soil through the bacteria and which eventually excrete it. The roots of nearby plants pick up this nitrogen and use it as fuel, which is common is almost all plant life. Herbavores then come along, possibly one of Yurtle's kin, and eats the plant. This is a great thing for the new turtle because plants don't move nearly as much as bugs do. Eventually, this turtle might be eaten by another animal, and the nitrogen passes on and on and on. Just one example of the food chain at work.

This happens to most humans, too. We decompose and feed the world around us. Those of us that aren't burnt, that is. Some have been dumped overboard and into the sea (my personal choice, actually) but more or less, the same thing happens with all of our composing elements. Granted, with a bit more ceremony and a lot more grace than how I've described, but it really is the same process.

But do I think good works give us an edge? Does knowledge of a possible afterlife motivate us? Well, of course it does. It provides mountains of incentive to not do wrong. But as we've mentioned before, good works are theologically unimportant for salvation. Unfortunately, if there is no god, there is no one to get brownie points with. There is no redemption. There is no salvation.

All we have is the here and the now. What we have is not an eternity, it's about seventy five years. What we have is what we make of it.

I find it ironic that most believers consider life to be sacred but would gladly throw their own away for the chance to be "part of something better." I would much rather retain my own life, hold it and cherish it, maintain it and lavish over it. I experience all that I can knowing I only have as long as I do. I love life. I really do.

I also will never promise my lover an eternity of love. I can't do that. But what I can offer is lifetime devotion. I'll give her all that I have in the time that I do have. Some say that it cheapens my love for her. I really think that it makes it all the more valuable.

So no. In short, there's no eternity out there. There's nothing we get out of behaving in one way or another. All we have is the now.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Holy Trinity: Theology's Russian Doll

2008-02-24T06:22:00.001-05:00

Jesus, as you say, is God.I find the concept of the holy trinity. What I also find interesting is that there are listed whole nations worth of divine characters (angels and demons) and even a whole evil entity separate from God who does the antithesis of his will and is believed in by many Christians. What really interests me is the rationalization Christians use to say there is only one god. "God is Jesus is the Holy Ghost. Jesus is separate from God but also God and is never the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is God and also many other manifestations but is never Jesus. They are all one in God." No. That is the very definition of polytheism. I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just saying it's true. And we haven't even thrown in Lucifer, Beelzebub and all of his lot.

Where does this come into play? Muslims believe in Allah and only Allah. They believe Mohammad was a prophet. They make no claim he was a god in the slightest. They are confused by your trinity. They are as confused as I as to how that isn't polytheism in your eyes. Many don't consider you to believe in your god sheerly because their god says "believe in no other gods but me."

But my point is that how can not believing in one SEGMENT of God make you not have the same God. Do not Jews share Yahweh with you, but they don't believe in Jesus as God. So the trinity isn't the issue, I think the issue is more along the lines of race.

Yeah, I went there. I'm calling those who believe that Allah is not Yahweh racist. Not too racist, but it's a start. See, what's happening is the following rationalization (remember that word from earlier?): "If they believe in the same god I do, I'd feel bad for profiling against them in airports, setting up military bases in their countries, establishing military operated zones in their airspace. A believer in MY god certainly can't have committed terrorist acts like those we've seen THEM do (and people who DO do those things in the name of my god aren't TRUE believers anyway). What we should do is consider them different. If they don't believe in the same god I do, I won't feel as bad about doing them harm."

The bolded section works across both directions, by the way.

Also, I don't claim for this to have started on 9/11 and been getting worse since The War. No, I'd say that these attitudes have been festering longer. I'd say that as soon as the Middle East came into play on the global scale.

Epiphany

2007-12-11T17:25:00.000-05:00

Today I found out why I travel well.

As someone without much of a hometown, without much of a problem being uprooted and moved to another state if not town. I've never really lost anything but costs in keeping up with the friends there. I've never grown an attachment to a physical house or apartment or dorm (sorry, Ocho). I've never had a real "home" that's a place.

Home for me is a state of mind, a sort of "cheers to you, and you, and maybe you after another drink or two" mentality that keeps me going.

They say, "home is where the heart is." I say it's true.

Luckily, I find it necessary to keep my heart with me at all times.

Things I Believe

2007-12-10T19:27:00.000-05:00

I believe that there are a lot of people who are atheists but just quietly pass themselves off as "not very religious."

I believe that I don't spend enough time reading books like I used to.

I believe that we shouldn't assume the absolutely worst when it comes to global warming.

I believe that mopeds aren't as cool as motorcycles and don't go anywhere near as fast.

I believe in love.

I believe that it's really silly to believe in love.

I believe in love.

I believe that if everyone just sat down and listened to some nice cool jazz, the world would be a more peaceful place.

I believe that if two adults both agree (or one adult agrees with him/herself) to do something or make a trade, it shouldn't be illegal just so long as nobody else gets hurt.

I believe that I don't know everything and I never will.

I believe that this makes academics a very promising field.

I believe that vlogs are too linear to be effective but too attractive to be ignored

I believe that loving life is one of the most important parts of life.

I believe that appreciating the intricacies of life helps you love life.

I believe that the simplest things are unbelievably intricate.

I believe that the way a girl stands while looking at something on a table says a lot about her personality.

I believe that the person I'm referring to will never realize that she's the one I'm referring to.

I believe that the world is huge and my desire to see all of it is even bigger.

I believe that I'm still not mature enough.

I believe that's not entirely a bad thing yet.

I believe that seeing a building in the dark with all the lights out and from its own roof is a much more fun perspective than the normal one.

I believe that drinking and substance use is bad for the rational mind.

I believe that drinking and substance use is still kinda fun.

I believe that I'm going to get a lot of posts pointing out that earlier I said I don't "believe" anything with any certainty.

I believe that there's a song by The Darkness that's interfering with writing this.

I believe that fewer people would have a problem with evolution if it didn't imply that we're related to monkeys.

I believe that the clicking sound doors make is really kinda cool.

I believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart.

I believe with the last line, The Darkness song just ruined the rest of this post.

I believe I'll be going now.

One of My Favorite Things to Do

2007-12-09T17:18:00.001-05:00

When my girlfriend leans in to kiss me I just don't move so she's forced to kiss my cheek or forehead.

Then I pause for a second.

And in a surprised little voice I say "I got kissed!"

Someone Asked Me Today...

2007-12-09T16:45:00.000-05:00

"Do you believe in god?"

"Actually, no. I've never really believed in Poseidon that much. I mean, there's just not evidence for him and honestly I doubt there ever will be. And besides, accepting Poseidon exists means I have to believe in the whole pantheon and that..."

"No, no. I mean God god. The real one."

"Oh, the Judeo-Christian God. No, not that one either, but I'm gonna go back to Poseidon for a second. All the Poseidonists claim that he does exist but simply cannot prove anything. The basis for their belief. They automatically attribute things that are coincidence to them. They cross the ocean tons of times and then when one ship sinks they say it was Poseidon's will. Or when they do well at the racetrack, they thank Poseidon, being the patron god of horses and all. Why is this any proof? And when I point this out, they say I'd believe if I just open my heart and listen. But for this to happen, I already have to believe in him or else it's just my mind wandering. Then they'll go on about how they feel Poseidon in their personal lives, but it's still just touching stories of coincidence or self-delusion. Sure, I've got nothing against them, but I still prefer the truth to Truth."

"The way you say it makes it sound silly."

"One nation under Ra."

"Now that's just stupid."

"No more than yours sounds to me."

-Inspired by a YouTube video

A World Without Grudges

2007-12-04T07:08:00.000-05:00

My first attempt at a screenplay. Inspired by the Inferno
______________________________

A WORLD WITHOUT GRUDGES

The scene opens directly and silently with a man in a suit at a bar, scotch on the rocks in hand and his hat beside him on the bar. The bartender can be seen as well as the man's profile. He sits alone at the back. Very few people are in the bar and sunlight filters in from outside. A younger gentleman comes, much more chipper and sits next to him and orders a vodka martini. When he receives it, the man in the suit speaks. He always glowers and keeps his face tilted so than JACK's profile

JACK

Care to hear a story?

BEN

I'm...um. I'm sorry?

JACK

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to jump into things. Are you waiting for somebody?

BEN

Yes...yes, actually, my girlfriend. She'll be here in about half an hour. I just got of work early and thought I'd get a head start on her. (chuckles) She normally catches up with me pretty qui-
JACK

Then would you like to hear a story? While you wait, that is.

BEN

I...um...I don't know. I guess so. I've got time to kill.

JACK

Well, then. It starts with two friends. Well, they just met. In a bar, like this one, only a lot brighter and with a bit more life in it.

The scene fades off and JACK's voice remains. The camera shot comes from above and two young well-to-do men are sitting and talking at a relatively hip bar excitedly, laughing. You can tell from their clothing in different shots that this takes place over time. Every so often there is a shot with one man turning to the other and saying something that makes the other pause with a look of realization and shock on his face. Also, the background of the bars changes, showing that they meet in worse and worse establishments.

NARRATOR JACK

Two well to do men meet. They have a few drinks and enjoy themselves. Get to know each other relatively well. Exchange names, phone numbers and the like and meet for a few drinks every so often. Then pretty regularly. Then every day. Real chums, the two of them. Only, one of them didn't know the reality of the situation.

The scene fades out with one of the men smiling, JACK still talking. The scene comes back in with one of the men talking to a well dressed men in a corner office, well decorated. The older, larger, richer man nods while the other talks. Fade out and in to multiple people around a table, obviously a starting family, wife and baby, with the two male friends across from each other eating and laughing.

NARRATOR JACK

What he didn't know was that he was a project. His friend, the bastard, was using him as a toy. His game was his grudge. He would toy with this man until he would lose it. Slowly chipping away at his business life at first. Then his personal life.

As the wife leaves to tend to the now crying baby, one of the men leans in and whispers something with a smirk on. The other man reacts very subtly, but is not happy with the information. As the wife returns, the husband excuses them to the den where they sip brandy, the husband refilling a lot more than the other man.

NARRATOR JACK

Then his family life. He began to get paranoid. He began to get jumpy. He started not going in to work, drinking more. He was a lot more disheveled than before. Eventually he stopped going in to work. He began to stop. Stop moving, stop thinking, stop caring.

There's a short shot of the victim at work, possibly with the camera moving so he comes into frame and passes out of it during one continuous shot , tie loosened and collar askew, looking around with obvious paranoia before ducking down to pull a flask out from his drawer and taking a hefty swig. Fade out. The victim lays in bed, the camera above him as his wife leaves, dresses, tends the baby, cooks, leaves food at the bedside, undresses, gets into bed, and the light goes out again, all without him moving and a blank stare on his face. Every so often there is a still of the grudge holder undressing the victim's wife in a hotel or in the victim's home interspersed with the time elapse. The scene fades out and into another with him shoddily dressed and at another table. The camera pans and it's a seder. The other man, still impeccably well off, sits with what is obviously his family but without a wife or children. The camera fixes on the victim from across the table through shoulders and zooms in, the victim picks up his left hand and rubs it, a tan line appearing on his ring finger before putting his hand down. The camera continues zooming toward his face, eyes baggy and bloodshot from lack of sleep and hair unkempt. The camera then fixes on the empty seat left, then zooms slowly to the glass of wine.

NARRATOR JACK

You see, he'd always been very articulate about things, even things he'd change his mind about later. He found himself sitting at the other man's seder, always staring at Elijah's cup. He never believed this shit about angels at dinner. It was the only glass he regretted later.

The scene comes back to JACK and BEN sitting at the bar, JACK's profile visible and BEN's full face in view, obviously in shock.

JACK

He just kept getting worse and worse until...until he died. Found in the gutter with Thunderbird in hand. Cliche as fuck. (sips)

BEN

Shit. Fuck. Jesus.

JACK

Shit fuck Jesus is right. One perfect crime. (pauses) Up until tonight.

BEN's beautiful girlfriend comes in and hugs him. Colored lights in the background turn on and movement begins.

BEN

Wh-what was that?

JACK

I never got your name.

BEN

B-Ben. Ben Kotch. And this is-

JACK turns to the camera and smiles.

JACK

I'm Jack. And you, Ben.... (he gets up and pats BEN on the shoulder during his pause) ...are my new friend.

JACK smiles, winks and leaves, staying in frame as he exits the whole structure. BEN remains slightly shocked from the story and what he thinks just happened.

BEN'S GIRLFRIEND

Hon, who was that? What just happened?

BEN

I...don't...think we should come here anymore.

Fade out.

A Toast

2007-12-04T02:05:00.000-05:00

Hello, hello everyone. I'm glad to see you all here tonight.

I would like everybody to raise their glass into the air, I would like to propose a toast.

To the wine. To the stage! If you all squander your precious and beautiful days, that would make you a sucker. Don't act like a sucker, motherfucker.

To the witches. To our friends and better days. To remembering and to be remembered as brave and not as a bunch of whiny jerks.

To Sally Bowles. To avoiding cattle cars and come as we are. Ich errinere mich an Weimar.

To grudges. I wouldn't want to live in a world without them. To sitting at the back bar there and waiting for introductions to hate them for the hell of it.

Life is a cabaret, my friends. Just listen to where the music is and follow. Life is a cabaret.

So goeth the dog, so goeth I.

My Christmas List

2007-12-03T16:17:00.000-05:00

1) A spaceship, preferably a bucket of bolts sort of deal.
2) A new towel
3) Windshield wiper blades
4) The ability to dance
5) 3 years, no more, no less.
6) A vacuum. Not a cleaner, just a vacuum. I'd keep it in a jar in case things got out of hand.
7) A nice pub to visit
8) Another set of Star Wars bedsheets
9a) A new accordion
b) Accordion lessons (for my hallmates)
10) Readership

Homeopathy

2007-12-02T05:05:00.000-05:00

So I'm pissed off about homeopathy and I thought I'd explain why.

Homeopathy consists of 4 main rules.

1)Do a proving. This consists of researching the maladies induced by certain chemicals. Product X causes symptoms A, B and C.

2)If somebody has A, B and C as symptoms, they must have had product X to cause it. This is where it stops making sense.

3) For symptoms A, B and C, prescribe product X.

4) But dilute it. The more diluted the better and stronger the cure.

Don't look, at me. They're the ones who go for this shit. The dilution is insane, too. It's not just 1 part X 10 parts water, they do it much more. I once saw a sleeping aid that was homeopathic and had an active ingredient of caffeine. 30x. That's not 30x concentration, that's 1 part caffeine in 1x10^30. That's 1e30. That's past Avogadro's number (e23). That's what we call bullshit.

And people pass this off as real medicine. People call this true. I call it water pills.

I'm too tired for this. Too angry, too.

Six Word Stories

2007-11-27T05:16:00.000-05:00

Ernest Hemingway was famous for being succinct in his style. One fan asked him to write a story using only six words and his response, which he considered some of his best work, was "For Sale: Baby Shoes. Never Used."

Figured I'd give it a shot:

Harry Potter valiantly defeats Voldemort. Again.

"Can you see?" "Nope." BRIDGE OUT.

Once falling, thoughts of birds started.

Phil Spektor shot her, already, dammit!

Feel free to try, readers. Shoot.

My Father Once Told Me...

2007-11-27T04:47:00.000-05:00

One Sunday, as we were driving out to church, I saw my neighbor below his new BMW scrubbing away at the grime it had built up over its hard week of driveway warming and mentioned "Man, I'd love to be him, huh?" My father, the least religious of my family figures, turned to me and responded with "We're going to church to worship God while he stays home to worship his car." At the time I was very much impressed with the aphorism and left it at that, the next five minutes of the drive were silent as each person quietly contemplated our new nugget of knowledge until Car Talk came on the radio (great show, I recommend buying their CDs and never donating a dollar to them).

Tonight I reflect on that and finally respond to my father. "Why did you spend so much time deciding on what car to buy and so little on what god to believe in?" Doesn't your immortal soul deserve as much thought as your style of ride? Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that God(s) reward solely on the basis of belief in said God(s). In that case anybody on the planet has a 1/1000 chance of getting it right at all, and that's a conservative estimate. Let's consider every single sect within every religion. Protestantism alone adds a good zero to the end of that denominator.

My father is, as far as the odds go, eternally fucked.

Why is it that disbelief of Hindu teachings doesn't have the prerequisite of knowing them?

For me, the answer is simple: because it doesn't make sense to bother. Supernatural things don't exist, so Hinduism isn't valid for me. But for those do believe in the supernatural, what makes your non-falsifiable belief more valid than any other?

Just a thought.

It's the Most Dangerous Time Of the Year (for Grandmothers)

2007-11-27T04:10:00.001-05:00

One of the best economic studies ever made. I'm honestly rather surprised how few people have actually read this.

Atheist Manifesto

2007-11-27T04:08:00.002-05:00

I've been under quite a bit of fire lately for my beliefs (or lack thereof, if you so prefer).
______________

An Atheist loves his fellow man instead of god. An Atheist believes that heaven is something for which we should work now – here on earth for all men together to enjoy.

An Atheist believes that he can get no help through prayer but that he must find in himself the inner conviction, and strength to meet life, to grapple with it, to subdue it and enjoy it.

An Atheist believes that only in a knowledge of himself and a knowledge of his fellow man can he find the understanding that will help to a life of fulfillment.

He seeks to know himself and his fellow man rather than to know a god. An Atheist believes that a hospital should be built instead of a church. An Atheist believes that a deed must be done instead of a prayer said. An Atheist strives for involvement in life and not escape into death. He wants disease conquered, poverty vanquished, war eliminated. He wants man to understand and love man.

He wants an ethical way of life. He believes that we cannot rely on a god or channel action into prayer nor hope for an end of troubles in a hereafter.

He believes that we are our brother's keepers; and are keepers of our own lives; that we are responsible persons and the job is here and the time is now
_________________

Now, allow me to point out that this is actually more for my fellow atheists than for the anti-atheists.

Guys, it says love our fellow man. That means Christians. If you're an atheist because one time a guy who went to your church called you a name and you don't like that so much, suck it up. Stop bitching at me because I defend a group of people who ARE doing some good in the world.

Atheism is not Anti-Religionism. (And this is where you may want to stop, religious folk. No need to offend some of you.)

Hell, there shouldn't even be a word for it. It's really just the ceding the obvious to say you're "atheist."

Pet Peeve I

2007-11-27T04:08:00.001-05:00

I hate my generation for using the phrase "I challenge you to ________________."

Whether it be on YouTube, on the pulpit, in casual conversation, it's not appropriate. What you're doing is saying "I'd really like it if you'd ________ but I have nothing to offer if you do." It's acknowledging that there's nothing to gain besides a new sense of morality.

Blame Chris Crocker for this rant.

Rules of Engagement

2007-11-27T04:07:00.002-05:00

1.
2. Establish rule, break rules.
3.Never give up the joke.
4.All borders are porous.
5.If you don't want to share your drugs you have a problem with drugs.
6.Trust your friends even if you can't trust your friends. You've already agreed to travel with them.
7.It's all fair game
8.Be generous to amateurs.
9.Stay on the charming side of drunk.
10.Tattoos fade. What you think you're writing in stone on your flesh you'd do better living more and commemorating less.
11.Drink the best wine first. After your first bottle, you appreciate the rest so much less.
12.The party only ends when you give up.

Insomnia of the Whalestoe Brothers

2007-11-27T04:06:00.003-05:00

I can't sleep. I'm afraid of the walls. It's the blue lights that scare me most. I want them to take me, but I think I'll just keep falling instead. What if the matches run out? I'll be alone. Daisies.

I'm crying now. I don't know why. My face just gets hairier and hairier. I can't talk, it's just grunts. Why? What's happening to me, am I turning into some beast? Who's that greek with the ax?

When I stand, the room spins. The spinning is disorienting. Am I falling or floating? I've been going so long I can't tell. The walls expand and contract, shifting and moving beyond what they should be able.

I ran into Pri again today. She really is the sweetest thing in the world. I can't imagine meeting anyone kinder than she. Always a tone of concern, but without the condescension you'd normally run into. All the benefits of a wonderful friend without the whorrors of trading. I'm worried it'll be her undoing. I care about her a lot, like a little sister and like a mother at the same time. Freud would just love that wouldn't he?

Mr. Paul got more time on the box today. It's rather odd, to see that he's doing more than I'd expected. When he started he didn't have nearly the support I could have dreamed. Why? He speaks a lot of truth, but he's a mad lib who refuses to ad lib. Don't you think it gets stale? Who's left who? Is he alone or is he Just the Best Reformer? It's hard to decide. He doesn't want to help Delial. The sad thing is that I entirely agree, we should leave her to die.

Five hours until I should be awake. Five hours until I hate myself for not sleeping at all. My mind is slipping away again, sliding past my fingers like water through a sieve. Why would I be sifting water? Wouldn't it be the sand in the water in the sieve? Vaseline in the sand in the sieve. Sand in the vaseline. I never much liked the Talking Heads. Know what I liked about Huey Lewis? It wasn't News to him that he was a fad. He just surfed the wave.

I need help. This is just getting ridiculous. There aren't monsters in the closet. There's nothing under my bed other than that which I left there. I can't be thinking these things. Fucking Clintons.

My Karen is more blue than Green. Ironically, a Navy blue. Navy and gold. I never did like the military, though. At least I never had to change my school colors. Saved a lot of money on wardrobe.

Smoke whisping away from my mirror. I'm going to have to get rid of it before the 25th. I can't wait to get a chance to remember remember. Square in my mind, my roots get lost, masking the lost for as long as I can't remember. It's all rather morse.

Opportunities Lost

2007-11-27T04:06:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I lay awake at night wondering what could have been if only my parents had said yes to Space Camp.

2007-11-27T04:04:00.000-05:00

For those who don't know, it's typically accepted non-scientific fact that if food's been on the floor for less than 5 seconds, it's good to eat.

However, not everywhere is it acceptable to do this. I have compiled a list.

1. a) Bathroom rugs
b) Any bathroom surface shared by two or more people
c) Why the fuck are you eating in the bathroom?

2. Most corners

3. Liquids

4. Hospital waiting rooms

5. The gym

6. Behind any large piece of furniture

7. The crack between sofa cushions

8. Next to the fridge. In front of it is fine, though.

9. Any space less than 4 inches in width

10.Any food that is relatively 'sitcky' or wet by nature is problematic. Viscous
foods especially.

11. Anything that falls on another food item

12. a) Anything that falls on bare body
b) Clothing is ok
c) Hairy surfaces are not good unless it's the back of your hand
i) Beard only if the beard owner is also the consumer
ii) "Saving for later" is just gross

13. Any bordertown in Mexico

Add what you see fit.

What I Will Do In Case I Ever Become Homeless

2007-11-27T04:03:00.002-05:00

1. Spend loads of time at the library.

The only downside I can see to this is being refused entry to the restroom.

Library Attendent: "Oh, good sir, I'm afraid the restroom is only for use by those who believe in the establishment."
Me: "Goodness me!"
LA: "Please do try the corner of the stairwell."
Me: "Why, thank you."

2. Scope out really cool treehouses.

Self-explanitory.

3. Befriend loads of cats.

They'd keep the rats away and provide company. The only issue I can foresee would involve me returning home to my cardboard box and the phrase "Who pooped in the foyer?"

4. Move to the beach.

Nice weather, free food all over, and free showers. I'll be the nicest smelling bum you ever did see!

Again, if you can think of anything, add to the list.

Drive-Thru Etiquette

2007-11-27T04:03:00.001-05:00

1. Ketchup packets are not for dipping.
2. Never ask the operator to "please repeat that" more than 3 times. Twice if they actually have an accent. Never if you can tell they're over 25.
3. Mustard packets are not for dipping.
4. Napkins are for absorbing and catching, not for wiping. That stain just got bigger.
5. Never ask for more condiments than can fit in one hand, otherwise you will appear to be fat and picky.
6. Mayo packets are not for dipping.
7. Never dip fries into mayo, even if you can, because it's gross and Europe is weird.
8. Hot sauce packets are not for dipping.
9. Never dip burritos into anything.
10. Anything you get from a drive-thru that touches any part of the car at all is now and forever more inedible. Fries are the exception.
11. Just because it's inedible doesn't mean you have to throw it away anytime this year.
12. If you picked up someone else's food, rule 10 only applies to you if only you know.
13. Never trust a drive-thru pawn shop.

Add more as you see fit.

What is Walking the Walk?

2007-11-27T04:02:00.000-05:00

Doing the do, meaning what you say and following through, giving a damn, screwing the man, being kind to the innocent and helping when you can, shirt off your back last buck in wallet, doing your best and not expecting thanks for it, not being lazy, keeping quiet when you feel crazy, forgiving people when they fuck up 'cause you will to, don't hurt other people and don't let them hurt you.

Handicapped

2007-11-27T04:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was having a bad morning, and decided to indulge myself on Wendy's. It was ok, but while I was there I realized I had to go to the restroom. Number two.

I go over to the bathroom and notice that the stalls that I'd normally use are roped off and there's a sign that says "These toilets are out of order, please use disabled toilets."

I thought to myself "but these toilets ARE disabled."

That's about it.